ON THE VANGUARD

IT WAS SO WORTH IT
“Come near to God and he will come near to you.”
James 4:8a

I have decided this morning that I am going to be completely honest with you about an event in my past. Now it is true that some of you know me personally, while others of you only know me through my writings and Facebook interactions. But either way, I hope that as I share just briefly today you get to know the real me. With that said, I invite you to travel back in time with me to December 27, 2007.
This was the day when life changed for me, both good and bad. Just days before December 27, I had celebrated the holiday with my children and wife. But on this day I was finding myself leaving. What had happened? Well, weeks before my wife of nine plus years had filed for divorce, and I was asked to move out. It had been a hard marriage and I will be the first to admit that early on I had been the biggest problem. Yet even after trying to work differences out, visiting numerous counselors, and doing anything that may change her mind, the gap in differences was never filled. Do I blame her for this split? No, and this is not meant to be a devotional that brings her shame. Again, I take full responsibility for my wrongs. And while I hate re-living this negative part of my life, it is only from this part that I find the joy I want to share today.
It was in the moving out that I was able to find myself again. It was in the divorce that I learned who my friends were. But it was through all this pain and questioning that I made an even greater discovery. It was in this depth that I once again found my Savior. I had heard it said in my DivorceCare class that following divorce people do one of two things – they either run from God or to God. I was determined to run toward Him. With boxes scattered all over my new apartment, with little to no furniture, and with snow falling outside, I opened my Bible for Him to speak. I needed to know it was going to be alright. I needed to know He was with me when it seemed like so many had cast me off. And I needed to know I was still loved.
James 4:8 states bluntly, “Come near to God and He will come near to you.” I took this verse literally. I made a point to seek His face and listen for His voice. Daily I was in the Word, taking notes, looking up the Greek and Hebrew in my Strong’s Concordance, and praying. Am I saying this so that you can applaud me? By no means. I am saying this because in this dark time God moved from being my crutch to being the reason I am who I am now. In this time He became my God, my healer, my redeemer, my shepherd, and my provider. In no way do I ever want to re-live the pain of divorce, but just the same I would never trade my past. Why? Because believe it or not, it was so worth it.
I do not know your situation, but I can bet you are in one of two positions right now. First, you may be able to relate to this story of my past because you too have lived through the pain and are now defined by the growth made in this time. Or second, you are in the trenches of the pain now, wondering when it will end and what it will look like on the other side. I encourage you with this truth, dive in to Him. Take the plunge and draw near to Him. He knows all the answers, relates to all the feelings, and can handle all the emotions and questions you have for Him. Draw close to Him. He longs to move from your crutch to your God, but it takes your moving.
It was three months after my divorce; three months in the trenches when I heard His voice as clear as day tell me, “The pain of which you are in will be the platform from which you will speak.” When I was in deep I never thought I would see the end. But it was so worth it, and today my pain and my drawing near to Him is used for His glory. Know this, your pain also is worth it, you’ll see.