ON THE VANGUARD

FATHERS, TRAIN
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4

In Ephesians 6:1-3 we see the charge given to children, to honor and obey their parents as this act brings about the blessing of long life within the land. However, as we move on in Ephesians still further, we see in Ephesians 6:4 a challenge given to fathers. I will be honest and admit that although I had heard the word ‘exasperate’ a few times growing up, I never had any real understanding of its meaning. The few times I heard it were normally when spoken by my mom after she found dad pushing the boundary in his teasing us children. But is that all it means? Should fathers be careful not to tease their children too much? And if so, how does that fit into the question we have been seeking to answer this month concerning doing what Jesus would do? It looks like we may have a few questions to answer today.
Let us first define a few words, as I like to do in order to make sure I understand correctly. The charge is to fathers, PATER in the Greek. This term is used to define a male ancestor, but is also used to define both the mother and father in some cases where a parental unit is determined. Based on Hebrew culture, however, where the father is to lead his children in the way of God and the instruction of the Torah, I personally feel this use in Ephesians 6:4 is specific to the male. The next term I feel we should define is the word that stumps me, exasperate. In the King James Version the word is ‘provoke’. In Greek it is the term PARORGIZO, meaning to rouse to wrath or anger. Already we can see in these two terms that the father is not to anger his child, but perhaps more understanding is still needed. In working to dig deeper I found the following from Matthew Henry’s Commentary.

“The duty of parents – be not impatient; use no unreasonable severities. Deal prudently and wisely with children; convince their judgments and work upon their reason. Bring them up well; under proper and compassionate correction; and in the knowledge of the duty God requires.”


This detail moves us into the next piece, then. If the father is not to raise wrath and anger within his children, but rather is to deal prudently and wisely with his children, then how is this done? The father is to train his children in the instruction of the Lord. As a parent I find myself having to grasp what I am seeing here as well. It is one thing for me to constantly harp on my children about how wrong it is to tell a lie, but it is the right thing for me to not raise their anger. Instead, I should take them to God’s Word and show them His thoughts about telling lies. It is my job to relate all lessons, good and bad, back to God’s Word. The Bible is the standard. The standard is not a parenting book or Dr. Phil. The Word of God trumps all other resources.
So now let us answer the final question, what would Jesus do concerning the upbringing of my child? For that I turn to Luke 2:52, reading, “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” Jesus grew in SOPHIA and HELIKIA. This is the example we as fathers need to set for our children as we encourage them in their learning. The Greek word SOPHIA means wisdom or intelligence, but it also refers to the use of wisdom in diverse matters. It is not enough to be wise if we do not know how to use the wisdom we are obtaining. And HELIKIA means maturity. Jesus grew in His wisdom and how to apply His learning just as He grew in maturity. This is the instruction we are given as fathers to pass on to our children.
The ball is in our court fathers. Will we continue to exasperate our children, or will we help them to grow as Jesus did, in wisdom and stature? It may take some changes in the way we function as fathers, but it is our duty as a father. If I want my children to do as Jesus did, then the change starts with me. I too have to be a student, growing in wisdom and stature. For as Jesus had so I also want – the favor of God and man.