ON THE VANGUARD

DIRTY
“’I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, “They are my people,” and they will say, “The LORD is our God.”’”
Zechariah 13:9b

I have heard it said before that the more time you spend in God’s presence, the dirtier you feel. I think this is true. I have noticed in my own life that I can rationalize myself against someone else and feel like I am better than them. However, when I measure myself against God’s word, I see where I fall flat. And every time I read God’s word, I mean really read it, a new piece of my inferiority seems to be brought to my attention. While I might think of this as a frustrating circle, knowing that I will never attain perfection, I don’t. I see this instead as the fires of God’s word refining me, cleansing me, and making me closer to the man God has called me to be. The process is hard and painful, but I know that in the end it will all be worth it. For fear of ever being titled out of God’s will, I want to be refined.
I took some time this morning to research the details of how gold in refined in the fire. Gold comes with spots and blemishes, and only after being purified does it produce the end product that we wear on our bodies. This process is called cuppelation, mixing other metals to the gold to bring out the impurities. Gold is mixed with these other metals, one major one being lead, and then heated up till all the solid impure gold is made into a liquid form. In this form, all the materials are separated in a liquid. The lead, however, has the ability to absorb the gold, which it does as it in turn dissolves in the lead. The lead is then taken out of the solution and oxidized, taking with it the impure and crude gold. What is left is the pure, refined gold.
In Zechariah 13:9b, the prophet is speaking the words of God, stating, “’I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, “They are my people,” and they will say, “The LORD is our God.”’” I read these words with great fear and anticipation. There is fear in knowing that this process of refining can and will hurt. The heat in which the impurities of my life will be burned off by scares me. What will be found? What will be shown as my impurities? This fire will burn off the pride, the selfishness, the lies, and the addictions if I let it. But then there is anticipation in knowing that what will remain after each session of refinement will be a closer replica of God in me. That is what I want, for as long as I see my reflection and not His, the refinement process must continue.
When it is all said and done, I want to be able to hear God say of me, “He is my child.” I in turn want to reply back, “The LORD is my God.” So then, I must allow myself to go through this fire, to be cleansed of the impurities I still have. I have been washed in His blood and therefore am His, but my flesh still creeps in to blemish who I am. This flesh must be done away with, and can only be done so through His fire. Oh God, despite how much it may hurt, I ask that you refine me and test me, burn away my impurities so that in your sight I may be of true, pure, undefiled gold.