ON THE VANGUARD

KIDNEY STONES
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5

It all started when I was playing Monopoly with my children. I began feeling a discomfort in my body. At first I brushed it off as maybe being dinner not agreeing with me. The pain, however, kept getting more and more intense till finally I was bent over with pain. Out of growing concern I made a call to my mom and explained the pain I was feeling. Her advice, get to the hospital. As one who is blessed with pretty good healthy, imagine my shock as I found out in the ER that night that I had kidney stones.
I will be the first to admit that before last week I knew very little about kidney stones. In my case the doctor broke up the stones, placed a stent in my body, and then released me 24 hours later. Without going into detail, I will say that the pain lessened with medicine and time. But I believe there was a third ingredient to the healing process. Being in pain, even for about the first week after, did little for my social life but wonders for my spiritual life.
I began to read the Bible, focusing on scriptures about healing and the methods that Christ used. And then I saw it. Tucked away in my study Bible notes were these words. "Only [God] can restore us permanently to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual wholeness." I read these words and a light clicked on. I am broken.
I was laying in my bed in physical pain. It hurt to walk, to use the bathroom, and to lift things. I wanted God to heal me. But as I read these words I began to see that I need healing in the other areas as well. As you probably know from either knowing me or reading my past entries, I am divorced, and with that comes other pains that need healing as well. Mentally my mind plays games daily. I battle self worth and hear messages repeated over and over in my mind about how terrible a person I am, and how I will never be good enough for anyone. I allow myself to beat myself down because of these lies. Emotionally I a wreck. I find myself living in fear of rejection and failure, depression, and constant sorrow. I have shut people out because I am afraid that they too will soon see nothing of value in me and turn away. And my eyes have been opened to realize that I have slowly been turning away from God. Spiritually I have made a distance.
The fact that I picked up my Bible this night to read about healing was no mistake. I saw that God wanted me to be healed in every area of my life. So as I began to pray, God's truths started coming to mind. Physically, God can and will heal. He healed the blind (Matt 9:29-30), the weak (Matt 9:6), the crazy (Matt 8:16; 28-34), the longtermers (Luke 8:43-44), and the ear of soldier (Luke 22:50-51) to name but few things.
Mentally God can heal me. The Bible says in Romans 12:2 to not be conformed to the world, but transformed by a renewed mind. I have for too long allowed the seeds of others to plant and root in my mind. So as funny as it may sound, God has shown that I need to dig out the memories, the words, the seeds of destruction and transform my mind with His truths. The truth is God does love me, that God has a plan for me, and that God will never leave me or reject me.
Emotionally God is able to heal me. He does not bring depression, loneliness, failure. Sure those are emotions that we all have at times, but we are not to stay in them. Psalm 23:4 says He brings us through the valley. We are not supposed to camp in the valley.
And spiritually, God wants to heal me. Matthew 6:33 tells us to seek first God. We are not to run from Him or take a vacation without Him. He wants to be a part of our every day life.
This entry may be a bit longer than the others, but the truth needs to be heard. Like me, we all have hurts and pains. We all need healing. You may not have kidney stones or be divorced, but you have reason to be be healed. Hebrews 13:8, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." This is good news for us. Just as Jesus healed when He was on earth, so He is able to heal us in every area right now. Where do you need healing? Remember, by his wounds we are healed.