ON THE VANGUARD

THE DESIRES OF THE HEART
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4

When I was in college I met the woman who would later become my wife. Our dating adventures were a little different than the normal in that we spent the bulk of our relationship as pen-pals. We met in 1996 during a missions festival being held at my school. She visited with a missionary group known as Youth With a Mission (YWAM). I took a sudden interest in her and we began talking which then led to an exchange of addresses. I began the writing of letters back and forth and 22 months later we were still writing. During this time frame we had shared more about ourselves and our desires and with so many that were in common we decided to take our letter writing to the next level.
In November of 1997, armed with a ring and a bus ticket, I made my way to Montana where on Thanksgiving night I proposed. She accepted, despite the fact that my proposal was terrible and my nerves had the better of me. But as we walked through the next nine months of our engagement, things began to get hard. It wasn't that we weren't willing to make the sacrifices that come with marriage, but we began to see that the information we had passed in letters was not full truth and therefore was putting a strain our on relationship. Call it sexual tension or nerves or the Holy Spirit, but one thing is true, I wish I had paid attention to God.
See, in the final three months of our engagement I began to realize that although ready to face the world with my degree in hand, I was not ready to face marriage. At the time I was still involved in porn and was working a news paper route to make any money. My relationship with God was at times based on prayer to make it through the day without another fight. I stuck my feet in the ground about marriage and held the reigns despite people sharing with me what God was saying.
Here is where I went wrong. All these red flags that I was seeing were warnings that I was not heeding. God had told me through people and through my own prayer times that I was not to marry yet. But I made the mistake of defiance and expected God to bless my mistake. We all do that. We read this verse about God giving us the desires of our heart and then make a move on something that He may be warning us against and then expect and demand that God bless it. I am not saying that my now ex-wife was bad, nor that marriage is bad, but rather that my lack of obedience to God was bad.
Yes, it is true, God wants us to have the desires of our heart. But, we have to make sure that our desires match His overall desire to bless us. My desire now is to re-marry, but instead of me being too stubborn to let go when He says to let go, I want to walk in His will. What is His desire? God has a time and person picked out for me and no matter how urgent I feel my desire is, I will only find the right time and person when I obey Him and delight myself in Him. Without this, I am only a stubborn mule again.
What are the desires that are on your heart? What are your passions and goals? Are you so focused on these things or are you taking the time to delight yourself in the Lord and trusting that He will bring them to fulfillment in the right time? Don't be a stubborn mule like I was and be forced to have the troubles instead of the triumph. Delight yourself in the Lord and then He will bless you. Delight yourself in the Lord and join me ON THE VANGUARD!