ON THE VANGUARD

ENCOURAGING WORDS
“Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, but an encouraging word makes it glad.”
Proverbs 12:25

Can I just be honest with you? There are days when I struggle; in fact, there are minutes when I struggle. There are times when I know what I should do, or know what I should refrain from, and yet I do not. While I know this opening phrase could be about anything, I am specifically referring to my words and tone. We are told many times in the Bible to speak in love to another, to build each other up in what we say, and to be on guard with this dagger we have in our mouth known as the tongue. But, I cannot say that even with all this knowledge about how I should speak that I make the right choices when speaking.
Keeping in regards to the words of Solomon for this month, I find myself today reading Proverbs 12:25. Simply put, an encouraging word makes a man’s heart glad. I know this, but do I know this? When I speak to my children, am I speaking down to them or am I encouraging them? When I speak to my clients on the phone, do I work to help them or belittle them? Perhaps if I look back over my past I can answer this. Back in the early stages of my first marriage, there would be times when my wife and I would fight. Now I understand that fighting occasionally is bound to happen as we are two individuals working to merge together. However, the rule we established was to fight fair. When I felt her going for my jugular in our battles, though, whether she really was or not, I pulled out of my mouth-shaped sheath my sword, my tongue, and would rip her to shreds. Countless times she would comment, “Let me go retrieve my head since you cut it off.” Honestly, it was not funny then and still is not funny now. I realize the damage I did in those moments and I am not proud one bit.
I never was abusive to her or my children in regards to physically hurting them, but I know and am not proud to say that in my words I did just as much damage. Truthfully, maybe I did more damage. I can look back even now and see how things I have said to my children, and in not even a stern voice, have dampened who they are. I can see how little sly comments that I think will have no effect do in fact leave permanent damage. Just the knowledge of these words and their stain on my children hurts me when I see their effect.
So maybe you find yourself described in my honest words about me. What do we do? Well first I think we must ask God to open our eyes so that we can see this sin, or any sin, the way He does. He is disgusted by the way we behave when we join ourselves to sin. If we see it the way He sees it, I believe our hearts will begin to hurt over our sin like His does. Next, we must ask Him to forgive us. It is not enough for me to have remorse over how I speak, but I must also ask Him to forgive me. And then here is the kicker, the hard one of the bunch. I believe we must ask that person to forgive us. They say one of the hardest phrases to say in marriage is “I was wrong,” but in truth I think it is hard whether inside or outside marriage. We want to be right all the time. But in speaking this way of negative toxins, I need to admit I am wrong and seek forgiveness. My last bit of advice, and challenge to myself, is to speak life. An encouraging word makes the heart glad. I have worked to adopt the punishment that for every one bad thing said we must then say three positive things. My children have caught this concept, but have I? I wonder what would happen if I spoke encouragement only in my home. You know what, stop the wonder…I’m just going to try it out.