ON THE VANGUARD

EVERYWHERE I GO
“Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I climb up to heaven, you are there; if I lie down in Sh’ol, you are there. If I fly away with the wings of the dawn and land beyond the sea, even there your hand would lead me, your right hand would hold me fast.”
Psalm 139:7-10 CJB

It was my freshman year in college when I heard the best definition of integrity I have ever come to know. Sitting on the tile floor during hall meeting, my chaplain called out that integrity is who we are when no one is looking. Eighteen years have passed since I first heard those words, and yet they still play over and over in my mind. All the little things I think I hide, whether they be from my kids or from others, someone still knows about. Every little thought, every little action, every little place I go when I am alone is not hidden from God no matter how well I try to hide it from others.
When I would drive from Oklahoma to California during college I would always pass an XXX club outside of Amarillo, Texas. I would be telling a lie if I said that the thought had never crossed my mind to go inside during those travels. After all, who would have known? Many times I was traveling alone, and reason played games in my mind that it would just be ‘our little secret.’ But I never stopped. Maybe it was because of the words my chaplain had spoken. Yet just last week I drove past this club once more. With only myself in the car at 3am, and the red XXX beckoning passersby, I continued on. Was it again the words of my chaplain that played in my mind? Was it my maturity in Christ after eighteen years? Or was it because I knew that even if no one else knew, God would know? Honestly, I think it was a little of all three.
As I was studying once again the Torah portion for this week, titled Re’eh, my eyes landed on Deuteronomy 12:28, which reads, “Obey and pay attention to everything I am ordering you to do, so that things will go well with you and with your descendants after you forever, as you do what Adonai sees as good and right” (CJB). It seems only obvious that the Lord would not see visiting a strip club as good and right. But isn’t it just as obvious to understand that the Lord would not see living a lie as good and right also? Who we are when the door is closed needs to match who we are when the door is open. But does it?
My mind journeys back to the movie, The Truman Show, where Jim Carrey’s character’s life is secretly being filmed for all the world to see. Unbeknownst to him, every action he performs is public. Every tear cried, every woman loved, and every aspect of his morning preparation is watched by the world. This idea scares me, but why? Could it be that I have a secret life that I am still trying to hide? While my life may never be displayed on a jumbo-tron in Times Square, it is seen constantly by God. There is no such thing as privacy in God’s presence. Perhaps this is why David wrote the lyrics of Psalm 139:7-10. “Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I climb up to heaven, you are there; if I lie down in Sh’ol, you are there. If I fly away with the wings of the dawn and land beyond the sea, even there your hand would lead me, your right hand would hold me fast” (CJB). David knew that there was nowhere to hide from the eyes of Adonai.
In our challenge to do what is good and right in the eyes of God, we must remember that He watches all that we do. God watched as I drove past the XXX club both years ago and just recently, but He has also watched as I have told lie after lie to friends and family, as I have cheated, as I have flipped channels late at night, and as I spoken words I should never have said. Even if you haven’t seen it, God has seen it all. And God has seen all that you also have done. The awesome part is that He offers forgiveness to us for these actions if we ask Him. There is nowhere we can go to escape His view, but there is also nowhere safer than in His arms. With this, I urge you to run into His arms, confess the sins He already knows about, and allow His love to wash away your sin. He loves you so much; that is why He is watching. Friend, you are the apple of His eye.