HIS STORY IS HISTORY
"Do not gloat over me. my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light"
Micah 7:8

I heard a quote over the weekend that stirred me.
"Every man creates his story - HISTORY. What will HISTORY reflect of you?"It caused me to do some thinking in the hours and days that followed. I first thought of Jesus and how His story changed the world. If He had not come to earth to become our redemption, then for me, life would be worth nothing.
But this concept can be seen in all history. Christopher Columbus wrote his story as a man on a mission to explore the world. Harriet Tubman's story was of an underground railroad that would help to free many slaves. George Washington Carver allowed his story to read the many uses for a peanut. Adolph Hitler penned his story as a murderer of millions. The list goes on and on, good and bad, man and woman. History does not play favorites as it gives everyone the chance to journal. What is journaled, however, depends on the author.
What will HISTORY reflect of you? These words still challenge me. Some days I feel like my life is still an open empty book waiting to be written in. Other times I feel like my past has already written my future for me, so there is nothing new to add in the book. But that is where I am wrong, and where Micah 7:8 begins to take shape. In every one's book there will be stories of victory as well as defeat. In those lines of sadness or error, our enemy tries to keep us down. The villain never wants a happy ending, so he will twist the story to work in his favor. If we allow ourselves to be robbed of the happy ending, then yes, our story is complete and not many will reflect on the legacy our pages left.
But I encourage you with this. You are the main character in your story, and the story isn't finished yet. Let us not end our story in defeat, but say to our enemy that there is no cause to rejoice over a stumble or a moment of darkness. My story begins and ends with the LORD Himself, raising me out of my despair and placing me in the light of His countenance.
"Do not gloat over me. my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light"
Write your story...write history for all to remember.

WEIGHTS
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
Hebrews 12:1

I read the testimony this week of Jennifer Brindley, founder of Rise Up! Ministries. She was talking about how she came to know Christ and her decision to start a health program. My attention was caught when I read, "mental weights are heavier than the physical weight." Now while I do not consider myself obese, I will share that I am about 15 pounds over the advised for my height and weight. However, I know that I am overweight when it comes to my mental weight.
The Bible tells us in this passage that we are to put off the weights that hinder us and the sin that entangles us so that we can run the race. For me, my biggest weight is my self esteem. Growing up I have always felt love from my parents and family, but from others it has always been a different story. I have had many experiences with rejection that have defined my life and given me the negative memories I find myself still trying to heal from. With this pain, I have also put dreams and desires on the shelf, or been extreemly cautious in making them come true. If you have followed this blog from the start, you know that my desires have included being a pastor and writing books. Yet I find that my biggest struggle is myself, and believing that my desires are God's desires, and as a result, that they will come true.
There are many testimonies of people like me who have overcome their past. Maybe their struggles were rejection and divorce like me, or other struggles associated to abuse, financial hardship, or bad family life. Either way, God still wants us to handle it the same way. To throw it off. I am reminded of Gideon who considered himself the runt of the family, yet was used by God to do something mighty. Perhaps you and I feel like we are the runts. It is time for us to throw off that mentality and believe who we are in Christ. It is impossible to run this race with perseverance when our mind is not focused on God.
In closing, I received an email today in response to a question I posed to a fellow dvorced friend. I asked what methods and scriptures she was holding to in these tough times of being recently divorced. And here is her response that goes beyond just a divorced person, but to the depth of overcoming weights. "I am walking with God because He is the light. If there are tunnels, He will be my beacon." Tunnels and dark spots in life are always going to be present. But let us walk with God so that these mental weights will cease holding us down.

HELP ME, I'M WEAK
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10

As I have shared in the past, I am divorced. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions and changes. Some days I am feeling good about where my life is headed, but other days I am sad as I look at all the things I lost in my divorce. To go from having someone there to come home to, to suddenly coming home to an empty house is tough. Or to go from shared responsibilities to having to handle everyday life alone is challenging. Add into the mix children, and life can quickly move into a state of survival. Now before I get nasty comments and all, let me advise you that my children are my world, and anyone who knows me knows I try hard to provide for my children. I refuse to be the 'Disney Dad', or the weekend and holiday dad. It has never been my intention to take my kids and run, or hurt my ex-wife by taking from her who is dear to us both. But the point I am trying to make, is that life is hard.
Life is hard whether or not you are divorced, though. I can look at others in my life and see they too have their hard times. My father is suffering from ALS. Everyday he struggles to breathe, or make a movement, or even talk. And my mother is faithful and takes care of him, from administering his food, to cleaning his tubes, to dressing him. And she does it all with a merry heart. Ask her years ago if she would have expected to see herself in this position and chances are she would have said no.
So what is it that keeps people like my father from giving up, or keeps my mother serving daily in tasks that make me nauseous? What is it that keeps me holding on when I like George Jetson am screaming out, "Get me off this crazy thing?" Where does the energy come from? On my own I have none. But here in Isaiah 41:10 we see that God provides the strength we need. I am fearful about my future; I don't know the next steps. I am concerned about what will happen to my father, and concerned who will help my mother since I do not live close by. Yet God says it so clearly. "...I will strengthen you and help you..."
Why am I so afraid that God will forget me and that I will be left to fend for myself. God says He will never leave me nor forsake me, yet I question if He even knows my name at times. The creator of life speaks these words to me, to my mother and father, and to you right now that He is our strength. It is true, I am weak. But in my weakness I find myself exactly where I should be. I am where even John the Baptist was when he responded, "He must become greater; I must become less." (John 3:30). Only in our weakness do we find His strength.