WHAT ARE THE DAYS OF AWE?

From Rosh Hashanah through Yom Kippur, these ten days are known as the Days of Awe, or in Hebrew, Yamin Noraim . In these days within the synagogues, the cantor’s voice is heard and the Torah scrolls are brought out, and paraded around the congregation. The shofar continues it call, bringing us back to a time of reflection and introspection. It is said that this is the period when the unrighteous can still repent and be written into the Book of Life. It is also in this time that one is encouraged to go to those he has offended and work to make peace and seek forgiveness. Although it is to our benefit to seek peace with others, it is in this time too that we work with passion to make peace with ourselves. It is with this idea of an introspective look that I want us to focus first.
Before we look at this, I want to quickly look at the books. Within these days there is much talk concerning the books of Adonai in which our names are written. The books include the names of those who will live verses pass away, who will have a blessed life, and of those who will live a cursed life during the next year. While the names are written in on Rosh Hashanah, they can be altered during the Days of Awe. Therefore, it is to our benefit to act in the three areas that have a weight on the final decision, those of teshuvah, tefilah, and tzedakah. To define these terms, teshuvah is repentance and incorporates our asking God for forgiveness, our asking others for repentance, and our forgiving those who have offended us. The term tefilah is translated as prayer. And lastly, tzedakah is translated as charity. This can be the giving of offerings, but also the giving of our time, our resources, and ourselves. It is because of these final decisions made in the books that one typical greeting in these days is, “May your name be inscribed and sealed for a good year.”
But allow me to make the Days of Awe personal. There have been many times when I have found myself angry or disappointed in choices I have made. While forgiveness toward others can be a challenge, forgiveness toward myself is even more so. It is because I strive to be perfect in the view of others that I find myself falling short. I recall times when someone would point out an area that I could use a little help in. Once I got past the feelings of being attacked to see the point being made, I would be determined to make the change, if only to not have that conversation again. I would strive intensely in correcting the behavior and feel progress was being made. When the progress report was given and opinion was returned, though, they would not see the changes made the way I did. This alone would cause me to move into a state of feeling that I was destined to live this way, with no relief and no hope. Instead of continuing to press on I would grow stale or decline again. The guilt and shame of not being perfect the first time, now mixed with the feelings of failure the second time, only fueled my hatred of myself, causing bitterness to grow not only toward that person, but also toward myself.
As I was reading in the book of Job a few days back, I began to grow with excitement. After all Job’s questions, God asked Job a few of His own. The where’s, can you’s, have you’s, and such began to fly. It was in this passage I found God speaking to me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?” (Job 38:4-5). It seems like a strange place to find an answer related to the Days of Awe, but is it really? Was it not these questions, and all those asked in chapters 38-41, that Job was forced to look at himself? All this time Job was sitting around asking God why bad things were happening to him. Maybe in some way Job felt that he was too good for pain or struggle. But in God’s response, Job was suddenly humbled (Job 42:1-6).
The fact that I find it hard to forgive myself in essence puffs me above God. If I believe that God is good enough to forgive the world, yet do not believe that He is good enough to forgive me, then I make myself a god, elevated above the one true God. God did not send His Son to die for everyone but me. And He did not send His Son to die for every sin but mine. He sent His Son to die for all people and all sin. Therefore, the same questions are asked of me.