DAYS OF AWE
“Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?”
Job 38:4-5

Including Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and the days in between the two holidays is a time known in the Jewish culture as the High Holy Days. In Hebrew, these days are called Yamin Noraim, or the Days of Awe. If Rosh Hashanah begins the year, and Yom Kippur brings about our Day of Atonement, it is in these days that lay between them that we find ourselves entertaining ritual. In synagogues, the cantor’s voice is heard and the Torah scrolls are brought out, paraded around the congregation. The shofar continues it call, bringing us back to a time of reflection and introspection. It is said that this is the period when the unrighteous can still repent and be written into the Book of Life. It is also in this time that one is encouraged to go to those he has offended and work to make peace and seek forgiveness. Although it is to our benefit to seek peace with others, it is also in this time that we work with passion to make peace with ourselves. It is with this idea of an introspective look that I want to focus today.
There have been many times when I have found myself angry or disappointed in choices I have made. While forgiveness toward others can be a challenge, forgiveness toward myself is even more so. It is because I strive to be perfect in the view of others that I find myself falling short. I recall in my marriage that my ex-wife would point out an area that I could use a little help in. Once I got past the feelings of being attacked to see the point she was making, I would be determined to make the change, if only to not have that conversation again. I would strive intensely in correcting the behavior and feel progress was being made. When the progress report of her opinion was returned, though, she would not see the changes made the way I did. This alone would cause me to move into a state of feeling that I was destined to live this way, with no relief and no hope. Instead of continuing to press on I would grow stale or decline again. The guilt and shame of not being perfect the first time, now mixed with the feelings of failure the second time, only fueled my hatred of myself, causing bitterness to grow not only toward her but also toward myself.
As I was reading a shortened summary of the book of Job to my children a few days back, I began to grow with excitement. After all Job’s questions, God asked Job a few of His own. The where’s, can you’s, have you’s, and such began to fly. It was in this passage I found God speaking to me. “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it?” (Job 38:4-5). It seems like a strange place to find an answer related to the Days of Awe, but is it really? Was it not these questions, and those asked in chapters 38-41, that Job was forced to look at himself? All this time Job was sitting around asking God why bad things were happening to him. Maybe in some way Job felt that he was too good for pain or struggle. But in God’s response, Job was suddenly humbled (Job 42:1-6).
The fact that I find it hard to forgive myself in essence puffs me above God. If I believe that God is good enough to forgive the world, yet do not believe that He is good enough to forgive me, then I make myself a god, elevated above the one true God. God did not send His Son to die for everyone but me. And He did not send His Son to die for every sin but mine. He sent His Son to die for all people and all sin. Therefore, the same questions are asked of me. Where was I when the foundations of the world were laid? Was I the one doing it? No. So then if I am not God-enough to form the world, then I am not God-enough to forgive my own sin. Instead of trying, I should surrender to the One who already has.
In these Days of Awe, when we reflect and seek forgiveness before Yom Kippur, let us consider the areas in which we have tried to be our own God and seek forgiveness for these moments. I will never be God, despite how hard I try. But let us also consider God’s words to Job that should also keep us humble. Forgiveness is offered to all, even to ourselves.

PRAYER CLOSET
“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
Matthew 6:6

Back in college I was fortunate enough to be a student chaplain for two years. The responsibility of holding prayer meetings, devotional nights, and being available for the guys was totally worth all the late nights and early mornings. I believe it was partially through this that I was being prepared for what would later come, and help me on the road I am on now. One of the best benefits to being a chaplain, though, was having my own room. Granted the dorm room was small, it still came with a few benefits, such as an extra closet. Not being one who needed an extra closet, I took the term ‘prayer closet’ literal and filled the space with a chair and end table. Martha Stewart may not have been too impressed with my interior décor, but I sure was. And the carved out corner proved worthy of its calling as each morning I found myself in the closet seeking the guidance of Adonai for the men, the day, and the future.
Recently I was reminded once again of my prayer closet days. In wanting so desperately to know each next step I am to take, I was reminded by both family and friends that prayer is the answer. Even I, Chappy Dan as my guys used to call me, need to be reminded by others at times that my relationship with Adonai needs to upward focused as opposed to lateral. Adonai will use my family and friends to speak to me, but in many cases He is wanting to speak to me directly. And although I say I am listening, the question remains if I really am. Even in just thinking about this again I realize just how much I once more need to visit the prayer closet.
In Matthew 6:6 we read of Yeshua’s words concerning prayer. It is in these times we are not supposed to make a public spectacle as is seen by others, but rather we are to go into our room, closing the door and entering into prayer. The word for ‘room’ is the Greek word TAMEION, meaning storage chamber, storeroom, or more modern day, closet. I think to more so understand this thought, however, we need to look a little deeper into the Jewish dressing of the tallit. The tallit is a prayer shawl that serves as a reminder of the Shema (Deut 6:4), the 613 commands given to the Israelites, and so much more. In the near future I plan to expound more on the tallit. When a Jewish person puts on this tallit, he or she in essence enters the closet, closing off the rest of the world. It is this ‘room’ then that Yeshua refers to when He states “…go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father…”
With the world blocked off, we have access to the Father. Truth be told, we always have access, but I know for myself that I find a way to get sidetracked often in prayer. By being alone in a closet, or hidden from visual distractions, I find that I am focused. I can pour my heart out cohesively and in return, hear Adonai’s response. This seems to fit in tandem with the remainder of Yeshua’s words in Matthew 6:6 that read, “…Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” He will reward us with our response, our guidance, our peace, our assurance. The list is endless. But it all starts with prayer.
I urge you today to take a moment to go into your prayer closet and seek His face. Daily we have things that pull at us and veer us from giving Him our attention. But let us take the time to get away and seek only His face. Perhaps you have a tallit. Then take time to put it on, close off the world, and pray free of visual distraction to Adonai. If you do not have a tallit, do no fret. Take time nevertheless to get alone, maybe in a closet, or in the bathroom, or in the laundry room; just somewhere where you can be alone with the Father. He longs to hear from you, and He longs to reward you.
It is time to pray.

DON’T GO OUT
“Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning.”
Exodus 12:22

Growing up, my parents laid out rules for us children to follow. There were the wise rules like no ball in the house, which I managed to break often, causing dishes to break. There were rules about throwing a ball at the house, which I also managed to not only break, but also break windows as a result of not obeying. There were other rules concerning what to never say, whether in private of in public unless I felt my mouth needed to be cleaned out with Ivory because of it. We even had rules concerning watching television, both involving when to watch and what to watch. And there were rules concerning curfew once the time finally came. The rule I recall often hearing, though, not because I broke it but because of safety, was to never go outside if mom and dad were gone. As we grew in age we also grew in responsibility, which allowed for mom and dad to leave us alone at the house while they ran errands or took a stroll in the neighborhood. Because of their love for us they gave the warning about staying inside where it was safe (unless I was playing with a ball).
What could be looked at as restrictions was rather looked at as a boundary. Within this boundary was safety. To go beyond this boundary, which in our case meant going outside, could result in an injury, kidnapping, or a host of other possibilities. The fear of any of these things happening should have been enough of a reason for me to obey. Honestly, though, I did not always obey and in a few cases managed to get caught. Yes, it is true. I was a little rebel. Because of this I have had my share of punishments for being caught outside or stepping beyond the boundary line.
In Exodus 12 we read of God giving a boundary. It is on this evening of the final plague that we read of the preparations that needed to be taken by the Israelites. God commanded that each family take a male lamb which met the requirements of being one year old and without defect. The lamb would then be slaughtered for the meal while the blood was placed on the doorframe. This action is seen in Exodus 12:22 which reads, “Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it into the blood in the basin and put some of the blood on the top and on both sides of the doorframe. Not one of you shall go out the door of his house until morning.” With the death angel only a few hours away, the blood was to be a sign that inside that house was one who feared God. When the angel came to the door, it would pass over the house, and thus we have the beginning of the celebration of Passover.
But a boundary was established also in this verse. The boundary to obey was to not come out of the house till morning. As long as the person stayed inside the home where the blood was found, they were safe. If they stepped outside of their home they would come out from under the protection God was offering. To then come out from under the protection of the blood allowed them to be fair game to the angel that passed through bringing death.
The lesson that we can gain from reading of this account is simple. God gives boundaries for us not as a way of restricting us, but rather for our safety. This is something that I did not realize as a child when given boundaries by my parents. It is something I understand more so now having children of my own, however. But there is a deeper lesson here as well. That lesson is to stay inside. Just as the Israelites were commanded to stay inside the house where the safety was, we are advised to stay in the protection of God. In sin we step out from under His covering, therefore becoming fair game for the death angel. Again let me remind us that Romans 6:23 tells us the wages of sin is death. To come out from under His protection removes us from the safety He offers. So then the warning and message is simple. Let us remain within His boundary. Let us abide where His safety is. Let us heed this warning and not go out.

LUST
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”
Colossians 3:5

What first comes to mind when you hear the word ‘lust’? If your past is spotted anything like mine was you probably think of something related to sexual relations. Perhaps you equate it to seeing something you want and have affection for. Sometimes it can be seen within a dating couple where when looking at them you see they are not in love, but rather in lust. But is it valid to say that lust only hides within a relationship? Can we not also lust after money, after position, or after things? I knew of one person in college who admitted to me that she lusted after shoes. Perhaps lust has more to do with things outside of relationships than we think. And perhaps we are lusting after something even now that we would never have thought was lust at all.
In one of his fictional novels, Thom Lemmons writes the following description of lust that I feel is probably the best definition I have seen in quite a while. He writes:

“Sometimes I think lust is the only sin. Lust for a woman will make a man betray his wife, his friend, maybe even his clan. Lust for land will make him lie and murder. Lust for indulgence will make a woman sow cankers in her husband’s soul. Lust for advancement and ease will make a man forget his god. There is a little god in each of our hearts that tells us we ought to have whatever it is we want. The voice of that god is very hard to ignore, even for the most righteous. It is hard to ignore because it is always telling us the thing we most want to hear.”

Look back with me to some stories in the Bible as we think on this quote. In Genesis 34, it was Shechem whose heart was full of lust for Jacob’s daughter, Dinah. His lust for her burned so deep in him that he defiled her (Gen 34:5). Jacob wanted to keep it quiet, but when this truth became known to her brothers, they devised a plan to have all the men in the city circumcised. While still in their pain, the band of brothers attacked Shechem and his men. For Shechem, his lust betrayed his people.
It was King Ahab in I Kings 21 that made an offer on Naboth’s vineyard. When denied the ability to purchase the land, Ahab returned to his kingdom sulking. When Jezebel saw him sullen she questioned what was wrong. Upon hearing of the denial for the vineyard, she devised her own way in how to obtain it. Forging letters in Ahab’s name, she wrote a letter to have Naboth defaced and stoned. The lust in her to obtain this land caused her to murder an innocent man.
On and on we can continue to find stories in the Word that reflect the negative traits of lust. It all starts with a sight. We see something we desire and it begins to become our tunnel vision. But Colossians 3:5 warns us that this desire, this concept of lust, is nothing more than an idol. In fact, the Greek word used by Paul here is PATHOS, meaning depraved or vile passions. It is the same word used in Romans 1:26 to describe that as people began to desire things other than God, God gave them over to their PATHOS. It was never God’s intent that they should make an idol of their affections, but God will not compete with other gods.
If this idea is right, then what is it that you find whispering in your ear? What other god is starting as a lust and working for your affection? It may be the opposite gender, it may be shoes, or money, or land. Whatever it is, the answer is still the same. We must stand against it. We must put the lust to death, like Paul says. I urge you to kill it.

THE LORD IS WITH YOU
“When the angel of the LORD appeared to Gideon, he said, ‘The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.’”
“’But Lord,’ Gideon asked, ‘how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.’”
“The Lord answered, ‘I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.’”
Judges 6:12, 15-16

Have you ever felt like the runt? Have you ever found yourself in a thought pattern where over and over in your mind you constantly hear all these negative things about yourself that you start to believe them? I think it happens often, and I know it happens to me more than I care to admit. Even in the midst of so many things going right I find myself being hit with thoughts that destroy my self-esteem. For instance, just this past week I found myself having a productive week at work. Every day it seemed I was leaving feeling a sense of accomplishment for the work I had done and people I had helped. But as soon as I walked in my door at home, a feeling of poor esteem would flood me. Seeing a dirty home or having to correct my children would play the feelings of a terrible homemaker or parent. By the end of the night I would be beat up by my own thoughts.
In a way, Gideon found himself in the same boat. Granted the Bible tells us nothing about his homemaking skills or doubtful parenting abilities, it does share with us that he viewed himself as the runt. And it wasn’t that he was only in the runt clan, but that he was the runt of the runts. When the angel of the LORD greeted him with words spoken according to God’s eyesight and God’s planning, Gideon questioned how it could be true. “My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family” (Jud 6:15). Gideon was pretty sure of where he stood, and it wasn’t in the same place as where God saw him standing.
But how did God really see him? He saw him as a mighty warrior. Gideon was hearing through the angel a prophecy about who he was in the Spirit. God was calling him a mighty warrior. The word mighty is the Hebrew word GIBBOWR, meaning the obvious strong or mighty, but also brave or valiant. The word warrior is the Hebrew word CHAYIL, meaning force or army. In God’s view, He saw no little wimp. Instead He saw a man who was brave and forceful, destined for just such a task as defeating the Midianites. In God's ability, Gideon was a force to be reckoned with.
In time, Gideon began to accept the words the angel had spoken from God. When the time came, God used this brave force, this mighty warrior, to lead an army of three hundred men against the Midianites, giving them into Israel’s hand. God gave them the victory. In fact, all the victories in Gideon’s life came from God. It started with the welcome, “The LORD is with you, mighty warrior.” Until Gideon grabbed a hold of God’s perception of him, he was doomed to be a runt. But as he let that sink in and began to believe it, God’s spirit in Gideon rose up. And the same is true for us. Until we stop listening to the words and lies of our enemy, telling us of our low worth and tearing down our esteem, we too will only see ourselves as the runt. You are more. You are a mighty warrior. You are no longer the runt, for the Lord is with you.

THAT PRIDE WILL GET CH’A
“But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the LORD his God, and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense.”
II Chronicles 26:16

It was back in the year 2000, that I made a boast I would soon regret. At the time I was pretty heavily involved in pornography and would spend countless hours viewing sites that offered a free look. I heard one day, as I was looking, that judgment for my actions was coming. Not phased one bit, I simply replied to this voice of warning, “Not me, I’m too good to get caught.” Within twenty-four hours of that comment I was being interrogated by my wife and pastor as to the actions I had been secretly performing. I was convinced that I was in the clear. I was hiding my history and careful only to look when I knew it was safe, either when she was gone or fast asleep. Yet no amount of my trying to hide it could keep it hidden from God’s sight. And no amount of my denying it could keep my pride from rearing its head. I am convinced that it was this proud boast that I made that in essence, challenged God and brought about my discovery.
Solomon wrote in Proverbs 16:18 that pride comes before a fall. Because of not only this experience, but also times of pride where I broke my leg while showing off, or was fired from a job because of thinking I was worth so much to the company that my actions would not be my downfall, pride is now the enemy I work hard to stay away from. Instead of thinking of myself as ‘the bomb’, I work to think of myself as humble. But not fake humility, which is nothing more than pretending to be humble while all along embracing the praise of others. I want to be the kind of humility that is spoken of in I Peter 5:6; the kind that God truly sees and brings about an uplifting because of in His right time.
But as a warning, I find myself reflecting on the latter years of King Uzziah. In II Chronicles 26 we get an inside look into his life. Becoming king at the age of sixteen, Uzziah reigned over Judah. He did what was right in God’s sight and was rewarded with victory in war. As long as he continued to seek God, God brought about success (II Chron 26:5). Yet in time, Uzziah’s power went to his head and pride became his downfall (II Chron 26:16). Only the Levite priests were allowed within the temple area to burn incense; no one else. But considering himself above all rules, even those of God, Uzziah entered. Right away the priests knew this was wrong and they too followed him inside, but not to watch his offering. They followed him in to escort him out, demanding he leave the sanctuary at once. But the king did not comply. While arguing with the priests in the LORD’s house, Uzziah’s forehead began to break out with leprosy (II Chron 26:20). Right away Uzziah knew he had done wrong and was humbled. However, the king continued to live. Sadly enough, though, he lived alone, in a separate room, and with his leprosy always present to remind him of his pride.
Pride has no manners. It affects everyone and is determined to be the downfall of anyone who lets it. The phrase, “Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile,” is very true when it comes to pride. But before we get to the level that became Uzziah’s disgrace, let us kill it. Let us wage war on this evil, veil spirit. It is a weapon of the enemy that unfortunately is working hard to take out everyone standing in its path. I guarantee you that you’ve seen its destruction in the life of another, if not witnessed it in your own life. So then, let us fight it. Let us work to stand in humility, allowing God to lift us up as opposed to us lifting ourselves. Let us find ourselves on our faces seeking God instead of puffed up, boasting in what we have accomplished. Pride will attack, but we must stand.

DANIEL’S PRAYER AS MY PRAYER
“O Lord, in keeping with all your righteous acts, turn away your anger and your wrath from Jerusalem, your city, your holy hill. Our sins and the iniquities of our fathers have made Jerusalem and your people an object of scorn to all those around us.”
Daniel 9:16

As we continue to be within the forty days of Teshuvah, I find myself drawn to the prayer of Daniel found in Daniel 9. It was Jeremiah who received the word from the LORD saying that the captivity of His people in Babylon would last seventy years. It is in Daniel 9 that Daniel accounts for being reminded of Jeremiah’s prophecy. So, with these words fresh in his mind, Daniel prayed to the LORD in petition and fasting, in sack cloth and ashes. These are the words of his prayer.

"Please, Adonai, great and fearsome God, who keeps his covenant and extends grace to those who love him and observe his mitzvoth (commands)! We have sinned, done wrong, acted wickedly, rebelled and turned away from your mitzvot and rulings. We have not listened to your servants the prophets, who spoke in your name to our kings, our leaders, our ancestors and to all the people of the land.
"To you, Adonai, belongs righteousness; but to us today belongs shame - to us, the men of Y'hudah (Judah), the inhabitants of Yerushalayim (Jerusalem) and all Isra'el, including those nearby and those far away, throughout all the countries where you have driven them; because they broke faith with you. Yes, ADONAI, shame falls on us, our kings, our leaders and our ancestors; because we sinned against you. It is for Adonai our God to show compassion and forgiveness, because we rebelled against him. We didn't listen to the voice of ADONAI our God, so that we could live by his laws, which he presented to us through his servants the prophets. Yes, all Isra'el flouted your Torah and turned away, unwilling to listen to your voice.
“Therefore the curse and oath written in the Torah of Moshe the servant of God was poured out on us, because we sinned against him. He carried out the threats he spoke against us and against our judges who judged us, by bringing upon us disaster so great that under all of heaven, nothing has been done like what has been done to Yerushalayim. As written in the Torah of Moshe, this whole disaster came upon us. Yet we did not appease ADONAI our God by renouncing our wrongdoing and discerning your truth. So ADONAI watched for the right moment to bring this disaster upon us, for ADONAI our God was just in everything he did, yet we didn't listen when he spoke.
"Now, Adonai our God, who brought your people out of the land of Egypt with a strong hand, thereby winning renown for yourself, as is the case today - we sinned, we acted wickedly. Adonai, in keeping with all your justice, please allow your anger and fury to be turned away from your city Yerushalayim, your holy mountain; because it is due to our sins and the wrongdoings of our ancestors that Yerushalayim and your people have become objects of scorn among everyone around us.
“Therefore, our God, listen to the prayer and pleadings of your servant; and cause your face to shine on your desolated sanctuary, for your own sake. My God, turn your ear, and hear; open your eyes and see how desolated we are, as well as the city which bears your name. For we plead with you not because of our own righteousness, but because of your compassion. Adonai, hear! Adonai, forgive! Adonai, pay attention, and don't delay action - for your own sake, my God, because your city and your people bear your name!"
Daniel 9:4b-19

I find these words becoming my words. I have sinned. I have not lived according to the Law that God gave Moses. And the Law was never done away with simply because the Messiah came, but rather is still in effect today. We are required to follows the commands of God, and failure to do so is sin. As such, I am a sinner. So to God I pray the words of Daniel. It is because of my wrongdoings that God has turned away. And it in my pleading for forgiveness that I ask for His ear to turned back to the words I speak. God, with all that is in me, I turn, I teshuvah, and I come back to you. Do not delay in hearing my prayer of forgiveness, Adonai.