MOVING
"Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me' - but I will not be mastered by anything."
I Corinthians 6:12

I had a conversation this week with a family friend and was questioned as to why I am not dating currently. Not knowing really at the time how to explain my reasoning, I simply stated, "I just haven't met anyone". I posted on my Facebook status a piece of my conversation and was amazed at how many other people agreed that I should be out looking and dating again. But it isn't that I do not want to. Rather, the reason is I do not feel released to. Let me explain further.
Take into consideration the actions of Abraham. In Genesis 15:5, God told Abraham that his offspring would be as numerous as the stars in the sky. However, as time went on and things weren't working out the way Abraham expected, nor in the time Abraham wanted, he took matters into his own hands and produced a child with Haggar (Gen 16:15). It was not the child God had originally spoken of. As such, Hagger and her son, Ishmael, were both the avenue of much pain within the camp. Finally Abraham had to let them go (Gen 21:14).
I know for me that in my first marriage I produced my own Haggar. God told me He had someone. But when I got tired of waiting and grew scared she may not come, I took matters into my own hands. Only after it all began to show real problems did I realize I had stepped out of faith in God. God had sent people to me to warn me, but in my stubbornness and fear I did not listen. Now, years later, I find myself single once more and with a chance to try again. God's promise of a loving wife is still true, but it is up to me to not do God's job for Him again. How many more Haggar's and Ishmael's must I endure to see this? Hopefully no more.
Perhaps we are not so different. We are all wanting to find what God has promised us, be it love, career, family, anything. I know God will provide in time. Maybe the question to be asked comes down to God's timing. I know how it feels to hope for and want something more, but I know this is still not God's timing. I may have been more quick to do so a year ago, but I am not sure I would have been doing it in the right time and with the right motives.
If you think about it, Moses and the Israelites didn't move unless they saw the cloud or fire. If it parked, they parked. It was in their obedience to God that moves were made and safety of victory was given with each change in location. If I had jumped ahead of God, in any situation, before the cloud or fire, I am not sure I would have been as safe or in God's will as much as I hoped. I am reminded of I Corinthians 6:12. "Everything is permissible for me - but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me' - but I will not be mastered by anything." I want the steps that I am taking to be the steps that are not just permissible, but beneficial.
The Israelites were permitted to move without the fire and cloud moving, but it would not have been beneficial as God's blessing would not have been there. And we see that even on some of the actions of Moses himself. When he got fed up with the circumstance and took matters into his own hand, he struck the rock and water came out. However, that was not the true blessing God wanted to give at that moment. Because Moses moved out ahead of God in his own ways, just like we can in our own frustrations and loneliness, Moses did not enter the Promised Land.
I know for myself, the cloud and fire have not yet moved. As such, I stay camped at this location. In so doing, I have found the 'me' that I lost; that I was forced to change. Someday the cloud and fire will move again and I will be pointed in the direction of the relationship I have longed for - my own Promised Land. But it is not today. God is at work. The hope we have is that Abraham did become the father of many, and the Israelites did make it into the Promised Land. So we also have hope when we fully trust God will do what He says He will do.

MID YEAR'S RESOLUTION
"But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way."
Daniel 1:8

I have been reading and meditating on the life of Daniel quite a bit lately. Not only because he and I share the same name, but more so because I see in his character a man I want to be. Look with me for a bit at the life of Daniel.
The Bible tells us that Daniel was one of the few Israelites carried off to Babylon after Nebuchadnezzar besieged Judah. But the men that Nebuchadnezzar had taken for his service were not just your ordinary guys. We read in Daniel 1:3-4 that these men were from royal families; nobility. They were young men without any physical defect, good looking, smart, quick to learn, and fully able to serve.
But I want to point out something here that some may not know. The name Daniel in the Hebrew means "God is my Judge". Why would I share that? Because in knowing this we see how God's hand was on Daniel. Daniel had made a resolution that even though he was not in Israel, he would not let the lifestyle of Babylon overtake him. In chapter 1:12, Daniel requests a ten day challenge, resolving to eat only vegetables and drink only water. Ashpenaz, the chief court official, is leery about this idea as any decrease in Daniel's appearance or abilities could easily be his demise. But we see here that first mention of God as Daniel's judge. In verse 14, Ashpenaz agrees and to his amazement, Daniel and his three friends are healthier and better nourished. As time went on they also proved to be the smartest of all who were taken.
In chapter 2 we see God as Daniel's judge when Daniel tells the king that he will interpret a dream he knows nothing of. Nebuchadnezzar had told the astrologers and wise men that if they could not tell him the meaning of his dream, that they would all face death (2:13). Faced with this penalty, Daniel sought God and found the answer as well as justice in the courtroom.
And let us not forget Daniel being tossed into the lions den. In trickery and deceit the administrators and satraps in Darius' court passed a law stating death in the den to any who prayed to anyone or any god other than the king. In true obedience to the only God, Daniel did not sway. He was thrown in with the lions, but it was God's decree as the judge to not allow permission to the lions to attack. The next morning when the administrators and satraps faced the same punishment for deceiving the king, their fate was not so lucky.
God was Daniel's judge. But God is also our judge, even if your name isn't Daniel. The character of Daniel, I believe, is the true point here. Daniel made the resolve from the beginning to not be moved by circumstance or influenced by location. His heart was sold out to God, and he proved it in his lifestyle, eating, and prayer times.
This is the type man I want to be. And as much as resolutions are made in January, I do not believe it wrong to make a resolution today. Does your heart yearn for God? Is your passion for life void without God involved? I so desperately want to know that the choices I make now honor God, and in so give me peace that He will indeed protect me when He sits as my judge. I'll be honest, growing up with a name like Daniel, and knowing the meaning, scared me for so long. I feared that God saw all my evil and my judgement would be damnation. However, the more and more I know God, the more I see and feel His love for me.
Will you resolve today to put God first? Will you stop defiling yourself? Do not let the circumstance or the location define you. You are God's child, and so I urge you to live undefiled.

"Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light."
Micah 7:8

During the summer of 2000, many things took a turn in my life. In mid July my wife called me up at work one afternoon and asked me not to be late coming home. She had some good news that she was anxious to share with me. I prompted for the reason over the phone, but she held her stance and would not budge. As soon as I completed my work I raced home to find her and another couple waiting for me. I was then escorted into a SUV where more silence awaited me. We drove downtown and ate at a fancy fondue place that night.
It wasn't until after the drinks and food were ordered that our waiter dropped off an envelope for me at our table. Honestly, I was a little perplexed as I opened it with the eyes of those at the table watching. Inside were a diaper and a white stick. Now up until this time I had never seen a pregnancy test, so I had no clue as to what this stick was. When it was finally explained to me the that double line on the test meant a baby was on its way, I was overcome with joy.
The weeks that followed, however, were not as joyful. As I have not been shy to state in the past, I had a pornography addiction. Under the pretense of 'preparing myself for what pregnancy would bring,' I began to dive deeper in my addiction. I would start simple and look only at real pregnancy sites, but my lust for something more and risky would overtake me and soon I would find myself just looking at naked sites. The only problem was, even though I did this in secret, God saw what I was doing.
In late July, my wife and I suffered a miscarriage. A host of emotions went through my mind. I began to think that this was God's way of revenge on me for the years I had already spent addicted. And in my attempts to shake this theology, I found myself medicating my pain with even more of a feeding frenzy. The place was no longer a concern; the secrecy no longer at the forefront of my mind. On August 27, 2000 I was called into my boss' office and fired for using company property to view pornography. In one summer, only a few months, I went from the happiness of family to the despair of nothing. I had lost my child, my job, and my wife who soon moved out after I finally confessed the truth.
A similar instance happened again in December 2007. My wife and I came back together after our split in 2000, and were able to work out many issues over those years, including my getting counseling and victory over my addiction. But during this winter season of counseling and hardships, she approached me and conveyed she was tired of trying to make our marriage work. Within weeks the papers were drafted and signed and I was asked to move to out. Again I realized, now with kids, that I was losing. To make matters worse, within two months of divorced being filed, I received a call from my parents that my dad had been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s.
Life is full of ups and downs. One minute you're riding high and life is a series of blessings and victories, and the next you find yourself flat on your face. In those flat times, the devil loves to come in and show us all the errors of our life. I've been 'there'; I still fight 'there'. I fight the voice that says I'm worthless, I'm unforgiven, I'm the reason life sucks. I fight that voice that screams that God can never use me because of my past. In my prayer time I fight the voice that says my dad will not be healed, or that my children will suffer the same marital fate as their mother and I. I fight it because it is a lie.
In Micah, chapter 7, we read of Israel’s misery. They have no fruit to gather. There are no righteous people in their town for they have all been swept up by evil. But, one man stands in watch for the Lord. And that one man takes his stand against the devil and screams out! "Life may suck, and you may be winning, but listen to me devil. I may be lying on back at this moment, but I'm getting up. I may be sitting in a room full of darkness, but God is my light. You have no victory over me!"
When will we stand face to face with the devil and scream out like Micah, "Enough is enough. I'm sick and tired of you stealing from me." When will we declare that the enemy must pay back what he has stolen? The devil thinks wrong if he thinks he has reason to gloat over our misfortune. Lost jobs, failed marriages, dying family, your situation...the devil has no right to it. Yes, we reap what we sow, I know this firsthand. But it was not God who took my child, my marriage, and my job. God's plans and ways are higher than mine. Perhaps the divine providence of the miscarriage was to bring me closer to God. Maybe I needed a wakeup call. And quite possibly it was me and the decisions I made that brought about the consequence of a lost marriage and job.
Your situation may be rough, and I'm not sure I can fully relate. But I assure you of one thing, God is right there with you. God sits on the edge of my dad's bed and helps him to breath his next breathe. God sits with you and helps you write that new resume when you find your position is no longer needed. God sits with the addict and waits for that moment when he cries out, "Help me, God."
"Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the LORD will be my light." Declare this promise over yourself, and join me ON THE VANUARD!

MASTERED OR MASTER?

"The LORD said to Cain, 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.'"
Genesis 4:6-7

This is not the first time I have read this, but it is the first time it jumped. Sin is waiting for us, to pounce on us. In I Peter 5:8 we are told that the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour, and as such we must be self-controlled. We must be at a point where we take our thoughts and actions captive and measure them according to God's word. But the second part of the passage in Genesis reminds me of another scripture. We are to master sin. Romans 6:14 says that sin shall not be our master.
As I was driving into work today God showed me how this fits in my own life. I was reminded of Joseph, who when approached by Potiphar's wife, ran out the door (Gen 39:12). Maybe she was good looking, and maybe she knew some tantric art that would have blown his mind, but he didn't wait around to find out. Instead, he became master over sin. And as we see by the rest of his life, God brought great promotion to Joseph in the years to come. To go from a farm boy to prisoner to the equal of the Vice President can only be done by God.
So this makes me want to look deeper at my own life. Being divorced for two years now seems to like a great amount of time at times. But when I compare how I felt on day 1 verses how I feel now on day 759, I can't say I feel as different as I hoped. I still struggle looking in the mirror at myself, still question if I made the right decisions, and still wonder if I could have tried harder. Add to that the questions of if I am raising my kids right and if I am being all I can be for God, and it starts to get overwhelming. But wait, there's more. I feel fat, depressed at times, hypocritical, stagnate, and too lazy to change. I fear accountability because it means I might have do something I don't want to do, or share a part a part of me I'd rather keep hidden.
The seven deadly sins, per the monk Evagrius Ponticus are: lust, gluttony, greed, discouragement, wrath, envy, and pride. How many of these have I struggled with just in the past 2 years? I'd have to say all of them in some respect. But when I gain a clear mind long enough to hear God, I hear Him telling me that sin is becoming my master. I have given in and allowed myself to be pounced on and devoured by the enemy. Just looking at myself in the mirror, I see the effects of gluttony and discouragement. In my eyes I see that drive for lust and revenge, and what I can gain. And I know that my heart is still filled with the 'me' factor, saying, '...I deserve, ...I should have, ...I desire.' The truth is I deserve the reward for sin as told of in Romans 6:23, death.
God is gracious, though. Thank goodness. Thank you God for not leaving me in my pity and wallowing, but giving me hope. The truth is that my eyes are fixed on me and not on Him. Joseph had his eyes on God, and it made all the difference. He was in time promoted to a position that only God could have given him. And the same is true with us. I know for me, I need to re-adjust my focus and seek God (Matt 6:33). In due time, He will promote me also. And I'm not saying that I will be the Vice President someday, but promote me to a place where I am not afraid to look in the mirror because at that point the person I see will be Christ in me, and not the decay of the enemy.
The point of all this is to remind you to not let sin, of any sort, be your master. Rather be master over sin. Keep in mind; we are powerless on our own, which would explain why we get defeated so often. But with God, we have the ability and power to block and defeat the enemy. Let's take mastery over sin. I'm ready, are you? If so, then join me ON THE VANGUARD!

WHY CAN'T IT BE DONE MY WAY?
"But Naaman went away angry and said, 'I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?' So he turned and went off in a rage."
II Kings 5:11-12

It's been about a year now since my last dating relationship. At times I am content with where I am, but at other times the loneliness of life catches up with me. Sure it would be great to have an adult companion to spend time with, spend money on, and share affections with. I would love to have some one to go to the movies with who wasn't restricted to only G or PG ratings. And as awesome as my children are, I long for a conversation that isn't only about Disney princesses and Legos. It would not be wrong for me to have a girlfriend right now. I mean, I have been officially divorced for over two years and it may be time to move on. BUT, there is one thing that prevents me from truly embarking on a dating adventure again.
At the beginning of the year I questioned God as to what His desire was for me this year, 2010. As I prayed I heard over and over again the word FOCUS. And now, half way through May, I can honestly say I still hear that word in my head. There have been a few women that have caught my eye this year, and I have tried to reason with myself that it would be 'okay' to date again, but the voice I heard back at the end of last year still catches up with me.
Naaman may not have been wrestling with whether to date or not, but he was wrestling with his own thoughts. The Bible shares that Naaman had leprosy. Now a young servant girl of Naaman's wife mentioned that he should go and see the prophet Elisha, who just so happened to be in town. Urged again to go by the king of Aram, Naaman took his offering and headed out. After time, he came to Elisha's house. Elisha did not go out to see him, but rather sent his servant out with these words.
"Go, wash yourself seven times in the Jordan, and your flesh will be restored and you will be cleaned."
The answer was given; the miracle was only seven dunks away. But Naaman didn't see it that way. To him the words were dirty. Elisha was used to speak healing but Naaman heard the words, "go take a mud bath." He tried to reason by stating how much cleaner the rivers of Damascus were, only to be reminded by his own servant that Elisha did not say to visit one of those rivers. How many times have I done the same thing, whether with dating or in any other circumstance? How many times has God told me something at my request and I say, "Seriously, that is not the answer I wanted to hear."
When Naaman finally went to the Jordan, and dipped his seventh time, he found God's healing touch. It took Naaman obeying God before his freedom of disease could come. Isn't that what God requires of all of us? Obedience? In my moaning and petitioning for what I think is a better way, I stall my blessings. But, if I would just obey I would find the answer.
I use dating as an example. Yes, I could date, but I would only be delaying myself of the blessing God is and is wanting to continue to pour out on me as I wait and focus on Him. It is hard to see so many out there on Friday night enjoying time together. It isn't a sin for them. But I know in my heart that God has told me this year that my answer is not yet. So I obey. I could be like Frank Sinatra and do it my way, but God is into obedience, and I am into God. Consider the areas where He is asking you to obey. Are you? If not, I urge you to repent and follow God's path. Right the wrongs, and join me ON THE VANGUARD!

CROSS OVER
"That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok."
Genesis 32:22

Over the past few days I have been thinking about a few important people in my life. Recently I felt encouraged to write them a letter. As I began writing, I began to see you, the reader, in my mind. I began to wonder how many of us may be going through the same frustrations and issues as those dear to me. With that in mind, I felt I was to share the body of my letter with you, in hopes that you would also be encouraged.

"I wanted to take a moment and give you a little encouragement. I am by no means trying to sound 'preaching', but I have noticed that you are struggling with where God is in your current situation. So I prayed and felt God was laying a few topics and verses on my heart as a reminder to you.
"First, do not let the fire die. We both at one time had a deep passion for God. We knew He was real and we knew we wanted to be used by Him. What I have learned over the past two years today as an officially divorced guy, is that all the desires and dreams God gave me back as a child I still have today. If I let my passion for God die, then I let my passion for who God has created me to be also die. Sure, life is hard. I will never know the exact problems and issues that you are currently facing. But I do know mine. I do know that when life seemed bleak and I wanted to die, God gave me the strength to keep going on. I also know that as I rested in His strength, He began to make me again.
"That feeds into the second point I have been hearing God say. He is making things new. You have the hope and promise of a new place, just as Israel had the hope and promise of the Promised Land. It is real, and it will really happen. This place will define you and who God is calling you to be. Please do not get discouraged that it has not happened yet, for God makes all things good in His time. But again, rest in Him. God will use the weeks that follow to prepare you for what He has for you once there. Allow Him to work on you. Do not doubt Him or what He is doing behind the scenes. We are not God; we see through a dirty lens. It looks terrible now, but God is making something new. The bitter tears and clouds of sorrow now, will become the steps God uses.
"I also feel that God is not done with you. You have lost some of who you are, but God has not lost or forgotten you. Again, He is working behind the scenes. But I also feel to mention that all the qualities you may look at as the negatives right now, such as age, location, present situations, they are not obstacles to God. I have been there myself. I contemplate at times, who will want a guy with a rap sheet like mine, years of bondage, fear of rejection, old-er, divorced, kids. Do girls even take a second look knowing all that I have/had. But God is showing me that He is not done. I am reminded of Moses. He left the 'fun' (Heb 11:25) and look what God did with him. We are not to sell ourselves short, for in so doing we are belittling our God. On the heels of this thought I feel encouraged to share with you Jude 3, contend for the faith, and verse 20, build yourselves up in the faith. Yes, we are getting smacked around, but it is no time to sit and take it. It is time to remember who we are in Christ and live it.
"The last point I feel to share with you comes from Genesis 32:22. 'That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok.' The river Jabbok is only mentioned 7 times in the Bible. Why is this one so important for me to bring it up? Because all the other 6 times it is mentioned it states that the person only came up to it. Here, the person crossed it. It is time for us to cross over into what God is doing. We have come close many times, but have turned back in fear, pressure, or other obstacles. But this time let us not shrink back but cross over. The land we leave behind is only holding us down. The land the lies ahead is the Promised Land that God has for us. Do not lose the passion, do not listen to the enemy about how worthless he thinks you are, and do not consider yourself done. It is time to cross over."

Now I ask you. Are you swallowed up in your problems and think that surrendering to them is the answer? Then I say to you just as to my friends, God is not done. He is still making you, and shaping you. No, pain is not fun. But after the pain is gone, our eyes are opened to the benefit from the pain. I encourage you to stop coming up to the Jabbok and turn in fear. Stop thinking yourself worthless, that you have nothing to offer, that the world would benefit from your absence. It is high time we cross the Jabbok and live. Cross the Jabbok, and join me ON THE VANGUARD!

YOU USED TO...
"But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted."
Romans 6:17

I would not say that I have ever had a weight issue, but I will admit that my weight has fluctuated over the years. When I graduated high school I weighed 145. When I came home from college for winter break my freshman year, I had doubled the freshman 15, then weighing 175. When I married in 1998 I weighed 155 thanks to a more healthy diet and lifestyle. Over the past twelve years I have maxed out at 180 and gotten as low as 150. Currently I am 160. Now this may be more than you care to know about me, but the point I want to make is concerning who I used to be. I used to be considered obese for my height. Now I am considered slightly overweight and am working again toward a healthy lifestyle.
Paul is addressing the Romans here in chapter 6 on the topic of grace. He shared that sin was not meant to be our master. Our baptism into Christ and resurrection with Christ gives us power over sin. Because of this, we are encouraged to offer our bodies not as instruments of wickedness and slaves to sin, but instead as instruments of righteousness.
I love Paul's charge in Romans 6:15. "What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!" Paul later in verse 23 shares that the cost for sin is death. But in the middle of both these verses Paul writes the words...USED TO BE.
...You used to be a slave to sin...verse 17
...You used to offer your body to sin...verse 19
We are people, saved by God's grace, who have been forgiven of our past. However, forgiveness without change is just lip service. Going back to my weight, I can say I want to lose weight. Until I make the effort, however, I am only making noise.
Paul encourages us to look at who we were. Is it worth going back to? Is it worth the risk to my health to be obese? Is it worth the risk to another marriage to bring pornography back into my life? Is it worth the failure as a parent to leave a legacy for my children that shows them that sin is permissible? By no means! Then I must be one who keeps the past in check as a learning tool and testimony of who I used to be. I thank God I am not that Dan anymore, but rather a new creation in Christ; not a slave to sin, but rather an active joint heir with Christ.
Who did you used to be? Who are you now? Put away the old enslaved lifestyle and join me ON THE VANGUARD!